Right my life, What can i say really? luckily i havent had to endure half the stuff my Moofy has, but i still feel like I've had my fair share. Tomorrow, Being Wednesday, Is the 8th year anniversary of my fathers death. My friend Tom, bless him, he means well, but he knows when to stick his arse in. He keeps asking me why my fathers death still traumatises me, He knows its hard to deal with, But why does mine affect me so much. Well Tom this is for you. Me and my dad went for a drive to go find something special for my 12th birthday which was less then a month away. We were having loads of fun, singing along to the radio, talking about school, friends, music, tv, just having a general father - son time. Then as we went down the road, A car appeared out of nowhere and smashed into the side of our car, It pushed us across the road and we toppled over and down into a ditch, roof and bonnet first. My dad's seatbelt was faulty and as the car rolled it snapped and he went head first into the windscreen, he died instantly. Not that truamatic you might say, But he fell as the car continued moving and crushed me in my seat, i was hanging pinned to my chair by my dead dad and the crumpled door unable to move or get to safety, The ditch we landed in was already slightly filled with water, I was trapped for 8 hours and during the 8 hours, the rain poured and the water levels slowly rose, I nearly drowned. If it wasnt for a nosy passer - by, they wouldnt of found me. I know this isnt the best of posts to start off my livejournal. but i dont care. I had a slight mental breakdown in the car and all i remember, all i have nightmares about is my dad crushing me into my seat and nearly killing me, I had a dead body laid on me for 8 hours. On to the alive members of my family. My mum, has gone into a hospice this week, shes dying of cancer. Breast, Lung and Stomach. When they first detected it, they said "its too small to do anything, come back in a year for a scan and it should be big enough to remove" we went back, they scanned it and turned round and said "were sorry but it grew too fast, theres now nothing we can do" Well thankyou very frigging much. I could of done a better job and i havent even completed my medical welfare course at uni yet. My twin brother Jackson is now living down in Coventry for his university, I'm already feeling half empty. I only get to see him on breaks or holidays, It doesnt feel right. My younger brother Luke is developmently delayed. He has the mind of a child half his age and when he reaches the mental age of 8 his mind will stop developping. His school is doing a lot to help. The head teacher is saying he should be in a special needs school and its not any of his problems. The kids are picking on him and putting him down and basically making his life hell. I went ballistic at the school and i basically got told it was our families fault for somehow creating a "faulty" baby who's stupid and needs to be in a special needs school. If his few true friends werent at that school and Luke hadnt got attached to it, I would of took him out of there by now. Then to top it all off. My baby brother Timmy whos staying with my Uncle Mike till I can get a place of my own and we can all live together, Got rushed into hospital the other night, He has menengitis. My baby boy, who i class as my own son after his idiot of a father ran off and left us, is fighting for his life. Theres nothing i can do, I'm not allowed to see him, what am i supposed to do? I think I'm just having a bad week this week. But my Moofy makes up for it when he wakes me up with that glorious smile of his and his big bright eyes looking down over me with a mug of Coffee in his hand before he climbs back into bed and keeps me warm. I realise. He's all i need. The words "Beautiful Simplicity" finally mean something to me, And its all because of the guy i fell in love with five years ago and who i finally got to call my own 3 months and 14 days ago. He is my life, simple as. I will stop going on about how much i love Moofy or i will be here all week. But i think I'm having a bad week this week, so be warned, if I'm off with anyone or snap at anyone I'm sorry, its nothing personal. I still love you all. Oh and Tom. Dude what happened to your hair this morning? Did you stick your knife in the socket? Seriously, if you were blond (like me :S) i'd nick name you Dave. But i think you just need to tone it down a bit. I doubt it'll impress Devon anymore how high your hair can stand. Ok I'll leave this post as it is now. I think I've ranted enough for this evening. Now i think I'll go cuddle up on the sofa with Moofy and watch a film and just realise how lucky i am to have my friends and family and that no matter how down i get, theres always someone there to make me smile, and i couldnt thank them enough for it.
Love Hools x-x-x-x